The Complexity of Relationships

"Ring by Spring, or your money back!" A statement often joked about on the East Texas Baptist University campus. The statement is quite simple compared to the relationship that has to take place before a ring is even considered. Relationships are difficult and often complex. This applies to all relationships, not just the ones of fiancées, boyfriend/girlfriend and married couples. It applies to every relationship that you have.
Every day we influence the relationships that we have. We do this by the choices we make about who we talk to, spend time with and exert emotion towards. Relationships take time, effort, passion and faithfulness. Relationships take time to earn trust, effort to build and strengthen them, passion about touching other people’s lives and making a difference and faithfulness to stay consistent in all responses and actions. Yet, there is one thing that strings these four together and that is love. Relationships take love that forgives mistakes, sacrifices itself and shows through in every action and word.
Why go through all the trouble? Why are relationships worth all of the complexities that we go through in order to enjoy them? They are worth the trouble because we are created to be in relationships. In Genesis 2:18, God is looking at creation and he sees that every creature has a partner and a helper, except for man. He then states that this is not good, and creates a helper for the man. God and Adam were in the perfect relationship with each other. There was no sin and they walked daily with each other. Yet, God said it was not enough. Therefore, we see that man needs human companionship.
Relationships are important. Yet, ultimately each relationship should be between three people; your friend, yourself and God.

“A cord of three strands is not easily broken.”

-Ecclesiastes 4:12

In every relationship there is a need for someone stronger than you to be in ultimate control. Yet, if you place that control and trust in the hands of another human, things are going to get messed up. By placing that control and trust into the hands of God, you are depending on the one person that will not steer you wrong. One way of looking at is like a tricycle. You have probably heard of, and possibly been, someone complaining about being the third wheel in a group. Here is a challenge: start thinking of relationships as tricycles, where there is always a third wheel. Picture a tricycle, it has three wheels and the largest is in front leading the way. The two wheels in the back are of equal size, helping to keep balance. Now, relate that to relationships. The two wheels in the back are you and your friend. The wheel in front is God. Sounds simple, right? You see, if God is leading the way in every relationship you have, and your friends and you are balancing each other out, you create a tricycle that is stable and will not topple due to small bump in the road.

“We loved, because he first loved us.”

-1 John 4:19

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul,
and with all your mind..Love your neighbor as yourself.”

- Matthew 22:37 & 39

The complexity of relationships is actually quite simple. To have strong, healthy relationships we must first love God and then let his love flow through us, into the lives of those around us.

Churches Need Rejuvenation

Churches are dying, why? Why is it that in every town you go to in Texas you will find at least 3 churches; one of which might be truly on fire and ministering in the way that Christ has commanded and the others dying? The church is called to minister through discipleship, honesty, love, forgiveness and biblical teaching. Yet, most churches that I have gone to are filled with politics and cliques. Churches are known for being snobbish and not loving; for covering up their problems and pretending to be perfect, when in reality they are humans that make mistakes and are forgiven for them.

I have been in the church my entire life and there have been several times where the church was the cause for heartache and loss of faith in my life. Discipleship and community were jokes in these churches! I look back now and wonder, if it was that bad for me, what is it like for someone who has not been in the church his entire life? What is it like for someone who does not know that the church is supposed to be more than a calculator of numbers? For someone who goes into these churches and is essentially assigned a number and that is their worth? I would walk away. I think that and want to scream out that there is more than numbers to Christianity; more than politics and cliques. It is a relationship, not a religion!

Church is a place where believers are supposed to come together, fellowship with and build one another up. They are to encourage each other so that each individual is more than a number and each wants to go out on his own and strengthen his relationship with God. The church is meant to disciple those who come hungry and teach them how to feed themselves. I know there are churches out there that are like this but I also know that you have to search for them.

Another thing that I have seen and been told about is the hypocrisy of those in leadership, those who teach and lead the body of Christ; the hypocrisy of Army chaplains that get drunk every night and cheat on their wives because they are in Iraq and will not get caught. The hypocrisy of youth ministers that lie to their youth groups, flirt with married women and ignore their families to the point their wives having an affair with a church staff member. How do Christians overcompensate for the hypocrisy that covers the church and its leaders? I have seen people give up and walk away, others sit and ignore it and a few that try to stand up and say “this is not Christianity, this is not Christ”!

It is a near impossible task to erase the actions of fake Christians from the thoughts of those who know no better, unless you show true Christ-like love. Christ-like love which welcomes all, no matter skin color, gender, age or occupation; love that shows in every action and shouts through every word. If Christ-like love was the basis of the majority of churches today there would be no need for massive number seeking. Instead, people would search for the source of love that overflowed from the church body.

The change that needs to take place is simple. No more cliques based on wealth, gender, age or occupation. No more snubbing those who look, act or dress differently. Instead, welcome them with open arms and show them who Christ truly is. No more allowing those in leadership to get away with hypocrisy and lack of responsibility. Hold them accountable! Without these changes the church will continue on the downward spiral that it is in and it will lose all influence in ministry and reaching those who need it. The church family needs to re-evaluate their priorities and re-establish their foundation in the Bible and Christ-like love.

Roses Vs. Chameleons

Identity matters, it is a core feature that each person has within him. It is a combination of character and personal history. It means taking away friends and fads and truly discovering who you are. Identity not only defines who a person is, it helps define the path that he walks in life.
In my life I have struggled to find my identity. As a teenager I played the part of a chameleon. I went from group to group in hopes of being accepted by someone. I only ended up lonely, and it did not matter that I was with a group. I still felt alone because none of my friends saw me for who I truly was. Part of the problem was that I did not know who I was. I spent so much time focusing on what the people around me expected of me, that I was too busy to realize that I was my own person. I was someone that God had created. An individual made for a specific reason, completely unique.

“I will praise you, because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.”

-Psalm 139:14

It took me a long time to understand this verse. I looked at myself and saw everything I had done wrong and could not understand how that made me remarkable. Then one day I finally understood grace. The mistakes of the past make us unique. God’s grace covers those mistakes and gives us a new identity. Like a rose that starts out as a small bud and then blossoms into a beautiful, unique flower, God forms each of us, every day.
Shakespeare wrote in Romeo and Juliet, “What is in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
When I think about this quote, I think about the fact that it is not the circumstance that makes us who we are; it is our character that makes us who we are. Who are you? Who is God creating you to be? Do you sit and listen to the ideas and expectations of those around you or do you listen to the one that created you? God made you, inside and out. He created you for a specific reason, listen to his directions. Sometimes that means taking the path less traveled. Often it means sticking out in the crowd. Every now and then it means you lose a friend because you chose to stand up for what was right and not go along with the crowd. It happens, but just like a rose is beautiful, it has its thorns. Becoming the person that God created is never easy. Please do not let this stop you from finding the path that God has laid out for you.

“’For I know the plans I have for you’ – this is the Lord’s declaration – ‘plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’”

-Jeremiah 29:11

Every person is a unique diamond. Each has a different sparkle and facet. Every person has varying dimensions to his identity. As opposed to changing to fit in with the crowd, one can go from being introverted to extroverted. The facets of your personality represent the different angles that you allow others to see of your character. When you change to fit in with different crowds you deny part of yourself, whereas facets are simply different sides of the same object.
I still battle the impulse to give in and be a chameleon. I find the strength to keep fighting that battle every time a friend sees who I am and not a mask that I put on. When God uses something that I have gone through to help me understand someone else’s trouble and pain; it makes me realize that I would not be able to do that, if I was not following his path and being who he created me to be. I found my identity when I realized that my past was not a hindrance, but a blessing. It is not always easy being me. It will not always be easy to be you.
Do not be afraid to stand out. Take off your mask and stop being a chameleon! God created you to be unique. Find out what that means for you. Do not expect your friends to act a certain way and accept them for who they are. If they do not know who they are, help them find out.

“Yet Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter;

we all are the work of your hands.”

-Isaiah 64:8

Become like clay in the potter’s hands and let go of control. God can and will take care of you. You are unique, never forget that.